Wednesday, March 01, 2006


The sky was noticeably light on my drive home tonight. I've made the observation before that one reason I like the first day of winter is that it starts the trend of each day getting longer than the previous one. For that same reason, the first day of summer brings me a little sadness.

But it's getting brighter now. Soon I'll see my first robin of the season. It used to be that we wouldn't see them until sometime in early April, but now they seem to be showing up earlier and earlier. Perhaps it's due to global warming. Perhaps they figure they'll snack at the birdfeeder until the bugs and worms come up.

Perhaps I'm just a bit more observant.

But no matter how soon in the spring I spot the robin, it seems that others have already seen one. Or perhaps they're just lying to be popular.

As the days grow longer, I find myself more open to the possibilities the universe has to offer. I'm looking to make wholesale changes in my life. I've spent most of my life counterpunching--reacting, not going out and doing what I want. I still don't know what I want, but I'm not letting that stop me. No, I'm not quitting my job and going out to 'find myself.' I only need look in the mirror to find me. However, I am certain that the life I want is out there. And that it doesn't involve reacting. And I'm doing my best to ignore how difficult it is for me to think this way.

For much of the last two decades, I've been a true cynic. My motto was always 'If you can't say something nice about someone, come sit next to me.' Now that I've decided it's ok--truly, it's OK--to admit I want something, it's still difficult to admit what I want. It's what I've always wanted to do, but I've denied it for so very long, that it's hard to even say it. Or write it.

Which is why I have to write it now:

I want to entertain.

The question now becomes--in what way do I do that? How do I entertain people? What I truly wish to do is improvisational comedy. And having admitted that, I've already started stacking up the reasons why I can't do improv for a living. I've got to remind myself that it's not for me to decide. If I'm meant to do it, it will happen.

Man, this is hard. I keep wanting to erase this whole post.

So that means it's time to put it out there.

Although I'm not a big fan of organized religion, I am spiritual. I believe there's a Higher Power that wants me to be happy. Is it God? Karma? The Force? I don't care. But I believe it's there for anyone who wants it.

OK Higher Power, I'm on record. I've said what I want.

Let's see what happens.

Spring is coming. Things are brightening up.



Blogger Colleen said...

i put out some birdseed and suet cakes for my birdies. we are in full spring here.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

The good thing about improv is you could start out doing it on the side. That way you have no excuse! My dentist in Atlanta was a stand-up comedienne (is this term PC?) and I heard she was really funny. Go for it!

My daughter and I saw some Canadian Geese the other day and couldn't figure out why they were so far north already. We thought they'd still be in Atlanta. (There were a shitload of them that hung out near our old neighborhood)

Karma. It's definately Karma.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Guy Wonders said...

Go for it . . . .

9:06 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

It may be a small start, but you already entertain me.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Dear Lovey Heart said...

you can do it

10:44 PM  
Blogger elaine said...

Man, this is hard. I keep wanting to erase this whole post.

I bet it feels great though. Now that you've put it out (t)here.

Book me a front row ticket for your first show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'll book it now, cos it's gonna be a sell-out!

6:22 PM  

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