Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Haw! Haw! Haw! He's Thirsty

Doncha just love those quirky, kooky, strange little stories that get dropped into the ends of newscasts, or in little boxes on the inside of the world section of the local paper? They have little headlines, like 'Peculiar Postings,' or 'Weird World.' I saw this one posted late last week:
A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported on Friday.
Woo hoo! Oh, that's rich. That wacky German dude. He's thirsty! Get it? He's thirsty, and he's unemployed, and...hee hee...he sells his stepkid's dog for...ha ha, wait--lemme finish...whew...he sells this sweet little kid's dog...chortle...for beer!

Oh, stop! You're killing me! That's so funny! 'Cause...he's thirsty! What a great, absolutely perfect way to describe things!

It's great, because there's no problems in that household! This isn't a story about a lying, theiving, desperate, hopeless alcoholic who has sunk so low that he's pawning off someone else's pet to feed his addiction--rather, it's just a lighthearted fluff piece to send you chuckling off to work in the morning. It's not about a pathetic drunk and all the psychological ramifications like codependency, child neglect and abuse, depression and all the physical ailments that come when a family member is drug dependent--no, see, it's just about a thirsty guy.


That's all.



Blogger terry said...

gee, i sense you have some strong feelings on the subject...

okay, seriously... that's disgusting. and not remotely amusing.

11:16 PM  
Blogger Miss 1999 said...

You know, there's just something not right about this entire situation.

1:05 AM  
Blogger SFChick74 said...

That's almost as bad as the headline I just read, "Demi says kids with Ashton a possibility." Um, why is that news and who freaking cares?

1:24 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

I'd rather have Demi and Ashton have a whole housefulla kids than some ol drunk trading his stepchild's pet to feed his addiction.


9:30 AM  
Blogger cadbury_vw said...

unfortunately it's not very strange and not very weird...

to take a more morbid look at it from the real world around us:

at least he wasn't selling his stepdaughter to pay for the beer

or crack

like happens pretty often

but it's beer - so then it's funny, because people who drink a lot of beer are funny


am i missing anything?

5:12 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...


Can I say tension?

10:37 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

I grew up hearing this joke:
“I was sober this morning, but now I feel better” – it wasn’t until I realised that only alcoholics get the “joke” that I figured out that not all of my childhood was all normal and peachy keen.

So I see why you don’t think the story is that funny.

11:34 AM  
Blogger Mississippi Songbird said...

You made me think.. I enjoyed your blog..

11:09 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

just another fucked up priority in a long list of fucked up priorities that other people have.

yeah, i think i took the same little dark pill you did dude

11:15 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Great post. There are too many problems with American news media to count.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Love Monkey said...

Ok. Maybe they asked him, "why did you do this?" and he said, "Cuz I was thirsty." and then the reporter wrote the story without using actual dialogue so you kind of get the feeling that the reporter was validating this whole thing.

Let's face it - idiots justify their actions as simply as this. Why'd you kill that person? Cuz I was pissed off.
Simple people - simple answers. Not simple lives (whatsoever)

9:10 PM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

It would be better to hear this information as part of a bigger, better story about I guy who bottomed out doing this and then realized how messed up he was and then got the dog back while staying sober.

But that would't be funny...

7:59 PM  
Blogger cadbury_vw said...

while my thoughts on the matter are posted on the previous post, i've been thinking about your post all week, and one thing i did wonder was if there was a translation issue from German.

perhaps there is some German word that translates to thirsty that has a nuance in German referring to alcoholism that would be understood by an idiomatic speaker

kind of like if someone who didn't understand english well read a story about someone who had been "out drinking"

like the visual joke about the "drinking problem" in the movie airplane

3:05 PM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Cad--no, not really. "Thirsty" has long been a code word for drinking alcohol. Especially in reference to alcoholics. It's been the 'nudge and wink' descriptor of choice for decades.


4:37 PM  
Blogger Old Man Rich said...

Strangely, my first (and possibly only) thought was "I wonder if my local will take pets for beer with no proof of ownership? I can get rid of my neighbours damn cats & get good and drunk for free".

8:32 AM  

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