Saturday, June 21, 2008


I did something I normally don't do. I went to a bar and had a drink. Actually, more than one.

When I say more than one, I mean more than one drink.

Okay, okay--more than one bar as well.

But the kids were at their mother's, we had just finished working a game, and my buddy and I decided to hoist a few. And the bars were within walking distance of my house. Honest.

The first bar was known for its chicken wings. I had a dozen. Okay, eighteen. But I had gone from my day job directly to the next, so this was, in fact, dinner at 10:30 pm. The place had a wide variety, and I chose chipotle-garlic wings. Yum. But spicy.

So, when you're chomping on wings, of course you need something to wash them down with, right?

Right. That's where the beer came in. Very few adult pleasures* match the combination of spicy chicken wings and cold beer.

But the place was getting crowded, and noisy. A zydeco band was playing. Zydeco's great when you're in the mood for zydeco. We weren't. Especially since the entire percussion session consisted of a guy playing the triangle.

This is the job of the triangle player: TING-a-ting-a-tingle-TING-a-ting-a-tingle-TING-a-ting-a-tingle-tingle-tingle.

Repeat until everyone's drunk.

Doesn't matter what the rest of the band is doing. The triangle part goes TING-a-ting-a-tingle-TING-a-ting-a-tingle-TING-a-ting-a-tingle-tingle-tingle.

"What's the matter? Is the washboard player sick?" I asked the guy to the left of me.

I was joking.

"He's down with pneumonia," was his response.

He wasn't joking.

So we ambled down the street to the ol' Tap-n-Mallet. I'm sure every city has an ol' Tap-n-Mallet in them--the sort of place that treats beer with the same sort of reverence the pimply-faced blue shirted salesboys at Best Buy treat their selection of Hi-Def LCD-based home theatre choices.

Ours happens to be called the ol' Tap-n-Mallet.

Since I was still on a chipotle buzz, I decided to drink a chipotle beer. Yes, there is such a thing, and it's available at your local variation of the ol Tap-n-Mablet. It was good. quite good, with a lip-stinging buzz that matched the one that was starting in my head.

As I was draining the last of it, the spiciness really hit me. This was a problem. When I ate spicy wings, I would cool them off with a nice cold beer. What does one do with a spicy beer?

For guidance, I turned to the pages of the ol' Map-n-Tablet's beer selection. and chose a Raspberry Hefeweizen. A hefeweizen is a wheat beer, and a lot of fun to say--especially after spending half an hour at the ol' Tablinmablet. It did the job of quenching the burn, but the raspberry flavor combined with its native wheat overtones to make it quite similar to drinking a jelly sandwich, which was not at all the sort of thing I wanted when discussing the serious issues of the day.**

So, after finishing that, I picked out a nice hearty Oatmeal Stout. It's about as different from the previous beer as can be while still falling in the beer category, and added much to the important discussion we were having at the ol' Tablabambla.***

For some reason, the staff at the ol' Tapnmallmat wanted to go home for the night, so I wound my way down the wobbly road. And as I did, the thought occurred to me that I had drank, in reverse, the meals I had that day.

This is why I don't do this much.


*at least of the leave-your-pants-on-and-remain-upright variety.
**which, at this time was, I believe, what was Casper before he was a Friendly Ghost.
***at this point we were discussing whether baseball or yacht racing was the better sport.


Blogger Lara said...

Yacht racing is definitely the better sport.

Now what else were we talking about?

And are you hung over much?

7:05 PM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Sorry, Lara. Baseball's much better.

The conversation was varied, but had you been there, it would only have been about you.

And no. I haven't been hung over in at least a decade. I discovered that too much drinking was the cause of that.


11:56 PM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Hot beers are a blast but best to wash 'em down with a normal beer.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Now he tells me.


3:21 PM  
Blogger terry said...

yeah, that's far too many flavors all mixed together for me.

but the question is: how'd you feel in the morning?

5:49 PM  
Blogger GC said...

you need tortillas for spicy beer
poor washboard player--I had a laugh at his expense

10:53 AM  
Blogger cadbury_vw said...

i'm glad you got the opportunity to let it out

from my perspective it was worth it. you've sealed it up inside for a long time.

it needed to come out


i hope you enjoyed every moment

that conversation was one that needed to be had

and i hope you find an opportunity to let loose again - with or without a few drinks

2:27 AM  

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