Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Damned if I Do

Sometimes, when you thnk you're doing OK, life has a way of kicking you in your teeth.

And sometimes, even though you're not where you want to be, life does the same thing.

I just got a phone call from STBEW. She's getting kicked out of her program. Not because she's using drugs or alcohol, but because she's using people.

She had a guy spend the night in her apartment. Then she lied about it.

The guy ended up going to jail. He was in a recovery program instead of jail time, and he got kicked out of his program as well, so he spent time behind bars.

Oh, and the guy--he's about two years older than Lt. Trouble. Our oldest son.

And also, none of this is her fault. It's the fault of the people who reported the rulebreaking, not the people who broke the rules.

And she's also pissed because there's another guy who was also involved in this who didn't even get a slap on the wrist, because he's black, and they don't want to look racist.

Another guy involved.

All of that is actually old news for me. This happened a few weeks ago.

What is new is that there's going to be a gap of a month between when the place she will move into is ready, and the place she's leaving wants her out.

She'll be homeless for a month.

And guess where she wants to stay.

In the spare room, of course.

And I have thousands of reasons to say no, and only two reasons to say yes. One reason is seven, and the other's nine.

Truth be told, it's one hell of a lot easier raising two kids as a couple than as a single parent. I would welcome that aspect.

How much bullshit baggage will come along with that help, is the question.

And the thing is, as bad as all that sounds, she's actually far, far better than where she was 18 months ago.

I'm considering it.

With restrictions, and rules, and things she must do and must not do. None of which I have confidence she'll follow.

I honestly wish my ex no ill will. I do not have a murderous thought in my head, but sometimes I wish she'd just die already. It would be so much easier than watching this slow descent.


Blogger Jessica said...

BP, whew.

1. What is best for your kids?
2. What is best for you?
3. What is best for the STB (but not quite soon enough) EW?

And when you finish wrestling with all that and decide to let her move back in because your heart is in the right place even if it's not the most rational solution, are you prepared to kick her out again if it comes to that?

(I have no right to ask any of these questions; I just care about you.)

9:43 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

you are really a good guy. you know that? i agree with jessica, but ultimately the decision is yours.

10:09 PM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

thanks, both of you.

i promise something more fun in my next post


10:40 PM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Wow, what a tough position. I agree with jessica and colleen on all points. I am also confident that you would be able to kick her out again if necessary (reference Homeless Son).

I would like to add that you might want to verify the "only one month" and make a few rules of your own....

Maybe living under the same roof with the kids will help her follow the rules?

Hang in there :)

7:00 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

make her sign a lease or contract or something. you can do that. you can make it up on your computer, and have it notarized after she signs it and it is legal.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Colleen--I'm considering doing something similar. Perhaps just sitting down with a disinterested third party and going over the rules.

Notso--thanks for the kind words. Thanks also for stopping by. I'm not usually this morose.

May I assume a connection of sorts between you and the Crank?


11:55 AM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...


11:56 AM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Yes, I'm the Notsocranky occasionally mentioned in his posts...

I know this is not the typical post for you -- I thoroughly enjoyed the Christmas decorating and the tour of your neighborhood.

Santa puts oranges in the toes of our stockings too --

12:06 PM  
Blogger mal said...

OMG....this is tough.

I do not often offer my opinion, but your best reasons for saying NO are 7 and 9, not the other way around!!!


the actions that got her booted prove she will not live within your household rules

my unasked for 2 cents

GOOD LUCK with this one, there is no good solution

3:52 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

you can add a clause that says if she violates the rules outlined within: immediate eviction

4:36 PM  

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