Oy. Tannenbaum.

By the numbers:

• Height: 8'7"
  
• Lights: 400 (not including star)
  
• Garland: 80'
  
• Ornaments: more than 250
  
• Number of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ornaments: 4*
• Support: tree stand, 25 lb weight on back of stand, monofilament line attatched to baluster.
  
• Test weight of monofilament line 40 lbs.
• Number of times I have used the 25-lb weight in the past three years for anything other than keeping our christmas tree from falling over: 0
• Number of times I have wondered if perhaps I'm overdoing it: 35
  
• Additional footage of garland not on tree: 40
  
• Instructions for 'care' of garland: Dust with soft, dry cloth. Store in a 'Martha Stewart Everyday' storage box in a cool, dry place, and do not crush.
  
• Percentage chance of any of that ever happening: 0
  
• Percentage chance the garland will get stuffed into a plastic grocery bag and thrown into a box in the corner of the attic: 75
  
• Percentage chance I'll just throw the garland in the trash: 25
  
• Number of kids 'helping' me with the decorations: 3**
  
• Number of ornaments rendered unusable by their 'help': 5
  
• Number of ornaments I managed to smash all on my own: 2
  
• Ornaments destroyed per kid: 1.6
  
• Ornaments destroyed per adult: 2
  
• Chagrin level at just figuring this out, scale 1-10: 9
  
• Number of 'musical' ornaments: 1
  
• Number of 'musical' ornaments destroyed during decorating process: 0
  
• Number of 'musical' ornaments I wish had gotten destroyed during decorating process: 1
• Number of 'Santa' ornaments: at least 30.
  
• Number of 'Santa' ornaments that, no matter how many times you adjust them, always turn themselves so that they face inward on the tree: at least 30.***
  
• Number of ornaments that remind me of Lt. Trouble: 5
  
• Number of ornaments that remind me of homeless son: 6
  
• Number of ornaments that remind me of STBEW: 4
  
• Number of ornaments that remind me of my parents: 6
  
• Number of times I have made slight adjustments to the ornaments since taking the picture: 11
  
• Time devoted to tree procuring, set-up, and decorating, in hours: 11
  
• Number of times I have wondered if perhaps I'm overdoing it: 36
  

Happy Holidays

Yeharr

*Leatherhead, Donatella, & Rafael plastic ornaments, plus one traditional 'ball' ornament featuring the turtles in various 'santa' poses. I have yet to find the multi-tentacled, snarling fanged pink brain-thing. Still searching.
**My youngest two, plus their 12-year-old cousin, who at first was too cool to help decorate, but was soon on the ladder, finding the coolest places to put the ornaments.
***Adjustments tried: twisting the ornament; flipping the ornament hook's axis by 180 degrees; bending the metal of the hook; hanging the ornament in a different place; and hanging the ornament backwards on purpose with the hopes that it will get confused and think I want it to hang that way, and twist around frontwards out of sheer spite.