An Open Letter III

Dear Restaurant Salad Makers:


Cut your fucking onions.

I like onions. Especially in my salad. They add a spicy, tangy element to the mixture of greens and other non-salady things that make up the modern salad. And I understand that presentation is important. No one wants to eat ugly food, and those purplish rings of red onion are very attractive.

But they're a pain in the ass to eat. Especially if you're a restaurant that specializes in "hand foods" like hamburgers, wraps and chicken wings, and my entire complement of cutlery consists of a black plastic fork in a bag. Understand that, in places like these, attractiveness of food takes a back seat to ease of eating. We're not there for a culinary experience. We're there to cram tasty food in our pie holes while watching a sporting event on one of your TVs. If half of my order is a salad, and the other half is six chicken wings in hot sauce*, chances are I'm not going to care that there's an attractive spray of pungent vegetable rings on top.

Chop, chop.

While I'm on the subject, tell your wait staff that if they are to ask "Is everything OK?" then they should stick around more than three-tenths of a second to hear a response. Especially if my mouth is full of salad with rings of onion slapping against my chin.

Yeharr
*quite possibly, the ugliest food ever created