Saturday, June 17, 2006


I've been tagged. Lots of bloggers bitch about being tagged with memes. I don't. I like it. It's interesting to see what people want to know, and it's kind of fun to try and come up with the answers.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Mondays thru Fridays I wake at 6:15. Saturdays at 7:30. Sundays a lollygag around 'til 9.

2. Diamonds or Pearls? The only jewelry I wear is a diamond earring, so I guess it's diamonds.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Cars (review below)

4. What is your favorite TV show? The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is the only show I watch with regularity. My all-time favorite TV show would probably be NYPD Blue.

5. What did you have for breakfast? Same as always. A bowl of Cheerios (actually, the store brand knock-off) with raisins, skim milk and sugar substitute.

6. What is your Middle name? Henry. Same as my Dad's.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My cuisine choices vary.

8. What foods do you dislike? Lima beans, venison, and certain cheeses that have an aftertaste like ass.

9. What is your favorite type of music? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My music choices vary.

10. What kind of a car do you drive? My 1996 Ford Windstar, which I purchased when I had a wife and four kids. Now I'm single with two kids (the oldest two are out on their own). My next car (which I will purchase in April '07) will be either a Toyota Matrix or Pontiac Vibe.

11. What characteristics do you despise? Hypocrisy, meanness, self centeredness, selfishness, ignorance. Those were the answers given by Madame X, who tagged me with this meme. There's no need to change them, is there? I mean, do you know anyone who actually likes these characteristics, or at least will admit to liking them? Conversely, does anyone go around saying: "That guy over there is always trying to improve himself and the lives of those around him. I think I'll go kick him in the nuts."

12. Favorite item of clothing? Fuzzy Blue. It's this shapeless blue terrycloth t-shirt that I got as a birthday present in 1976. It's somehow managed to stick with me all these years. I rarely wear it anymore. In fact for the past decade, I would only put it on to annoy STBEW. It will be 30 years old on the 25th. It usually sits in a place of honor in the bottom of my drawer, but I think maybe I'll wear it next Sunday.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Starfish Trelawny resort with my kids Because I promised we would..

14. What color is your bathroom? Upper walls: Tan. Lower walls: brown. Floor: white and black octagonal tile. Who the fuck cares?

15. Favorite brand of clothing? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My clothing choices vary.

16. Where would you retire to? I don't see myself as the retirement sort, but I guess eventually I will be. I think the mountains of North Carolina would be an excellent choice.

17. Favorite time of Day? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My time of day choices vary.

18. Where were you born? Corning NY

19. Favorite sport to watch? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My sport to watch choices vary.

20. What is your favorite product that you use? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My product choices vary.

21. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Coke with Lime. Second choice: Coke Zero.

22. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Used to be a night owl. Don't know if I'm a morning person or not. My kids probably think I am.

23. How many kids do you want? I dunno. How many you got?

24. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Self-employed and successful, with a nice-sized house with three bedrooms and a dry basement that has a workshop and a TV room in it that can be converted to a bedroom when the older kids visit. The yard is decent sized, and well-landscaped, but not so damn big that I become a slave to it. The kids and I travel a bit, especially in the summers. Maybe there's someone in my life; maybe not. But this is where I'll be in five years.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I don't have favorites in categories like these. My exciting news choices vary.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Loved

27. Favorite candy bar? I don't even remember what it was called. It had crispy wafers infused with cinnamon, covered in white chocolate. The little food market a mile from the bottom of the hill where we lived used to carry them when I was in high school. I used to ride my bike to get them and a Faygo Redpop in the summer, then ride back home. Then, they disappeared. I miss them. Damn, they were good.

28. What is your best childhood memory? I think I just described it. No, not really. In 1971, my Dad had six weeks of vacation from his job. So, we bought a new Impala (with air conditioning!), and a small camper trailer, and went out west one summer. I remember throwing snowballs with my brother on a mountain in Colorado on my birthday, climbing into pueblos that had not changed in hundreds of years in Arizona, eating frogs legs on Fisherman's Warf in San Francisco, just so many things. That's probably it.

29. What are the different jobs you've had in your life? Let's see...paperboy dishwasher potwasher soda jerk stock clerk "Doctor Gordon" tour guide tutor teacher photographer videographer documentarian stand-up comedian assignment editor newscast producer improv comedian actor documentarian writer director producer and not once did I ever get paid what I deserved.

30. Star Wars or Star Trek? I would have said "Star Wars" until Episode 1 came out. What the hell was all the love for Vader all about? Sure, he was a kid once, but he killed millions! What next? "Young Hannibal Lecter gets a puppy?"

31. Any nicknames? Not really. I was called Mercedes for a summer, because I ran into one. Smashed it up real good, too. Broke a headlight, dented the hood, cracked the windshield. Plus, I scratched my glasses. I wasn't driving. I was chasing a Frisbee and I ran into it. Oh, yeah, sometimes people call me 'Big Guy."

32. Eye color? Blue

33. Ever been to Africa? No. And I've never been to Spain. But I kinda like the music.

34. Ever been toilet papered? Just my ass.

35. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? I've loved enough that I've wanted to cry. I don't cry much. I'd like to change that.

36. Croutons or bacon bits? Neither. I like my coffee black.

37. Favorite day of the week? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My day of the week choices vary.

38. Favorite restaurant? It's not around anymore. It was called the Corn Hill Cookery. The owner was a master chef who loved to experiment in different styles. One week he'd do variations on classic Italian dishes, the next he'd play around with vegetarian cuisine. Or Polish. Or Indonesian. Or Australian (Kangaroo tail soup is pretty good.) Although I enjoyed it, it wasn't the best business model.

39. Favorite ice cream? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My ice cream choices vary.

40. Favorite flower? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My flower choices vary.

41. Favorite day of the year? I don't have…oh, waitaminnit, I do. June 20th. The last day of Spring. The next day, Summer begins, and then the days start getting shorter. June 20th is the last day of the year where the next day will be longer.
My second favorite day of the year is December 21st, for much the same reason.

42. Favorite fast food restaurant? Waffle House. I've never eaten there. There are no Waffle Houses within 500 miles of me. I only see them when we take trips below the Mason-Dixon line. And, whenever I would see a Waffle House sign, I would scream out, in an exaggerated southern accent: "WAFFLE HOUSE!" Except it comes out more like "WAW-FULL HEY-OUSE!" I've been doing this since my oldest son was the same age as my youngest daughter is now. I've tried to stop. But they won't let me.

43. Favorite Website? you can find out neat stuff, like "Waffle House serves more than 3.2 million pounds of grits each year. That is enough to fill 86 semi-trucks!" Yum.

44. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Twice.

45. Who did you get your last email from? Someone named Capture J. Septuagint, who wants me to consider a career in Criminal Justice.

46. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I don't want to max out my credit card.

47. What do you do most often when you're bored? Hunt the elusive white Bengal tiger in the rainforests of Rangoon. I'm not bored much.

48. What time do you usually go to bed in the evening? 11

49. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Jennifer Aniston.

50. Last person you went out to dinner with? That would be my son and my daughter. We went to the diner up the street. Before that, it was with a woman whom I thought was interested in me. Turns out she only wanted me for my camera skills. Long story.

51. Ford or Chevy? I'm not picky. If you want to give me one, I'll take it. Hell, I might even take a Hyundai.

52. What are you listening to right now? My cats meowing because they want me to feed them. I just fed them 20 minutes ago. Go away! Lying sacks of cat.

53. What is your favorite color? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My color choices vary.

54. Lake, ocean or river? To swim, lake. To canoe, river. To sail, ocean.

55. Which came first the chicken or the egg? The egg, but he kept going until the chicken came too.

56. What is your favorite song? I don't have favorites in categories like this. My music choices vary. *

57. What book are you reading right now? Nothing. Just finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I'll probably see if Terry Pratchett has a new book out for the next one.

58. What is the one thing you can not travel with out? My moss-covered three-handled family credenza.

59. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale. Available only in Canada. Unfortunately, I'm not in Canada.

Happy Fathers' Day everyone!


*Although the song I listen to a lot at the moment is 'Lick of Split' by the Calvin Owens Blues Orchestra. Calvin's best known as BB King's bandleader, but the dude can play trumpet like a muthahucka. This song starts out with just a muted trumpet and a sparse bass line, and six minutes later is a full orchestra kicking out all the jambs. If I was making a movie, I'd use this cut about 55 minutes into the film, interspersing the hero and is love interest finally making love, with the hero's best friend getting beat to death in a rainy back alley by a bunch of goons. Yeah, that's the way my mind works.


Blogger Learn that Poem said...


Only in the south does "house" have two syllables. And "pen" and "pin" are homophones. I live in the south...well, sorta.

12:25 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

Happy Fathers day pirate :)

Damn, you got out of ALOT of those questions didn't ya? :p

6:24 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Wow, that is a lOT of information. Happy Father's Day! I hope everyone is safe and well!

8:34 AM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Have a nice Father's Day! Maybe the kids will serve you the cheerios?

And boy do your choices vary a lot...

9:23 AM  
Blogger Learn that Poem said...

Nah, I still don't regret the visit. You're way more than entitled to have an opinion/views. However, I won't extend my logic or illogic, as you see it, to the German SS.

Your son, his cousin, and your nephew most certainly deserve respect. I am glad they were stronger in mind and conscience than the accused service members.

Their actions were not honorable... the fact that they enlisted in the first place, and that they served honorably (up until Haditha) continues to earn respect in my eyes. That is not diminished.

I never said it gave them "the right to slaughter".

BTW, Happy Father's Day.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

That's not a meme, it's a fuckin' novel dude!

1:07 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

i can die happy now knowing what color your bathroom is

10:41 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

oh and i forgot...
happy father's day!!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

You're vary veried.

Can I be in your movie????

12:16 PM  
Blogger Madame X said...

Stuckey's kicks Waffle House ASS!!!

Pecan roll anyone?

1:38 PM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

And feel bad now for bitching about memes.


6:24 PM  
Blogger glo-girl said...


You, my dear, are Frickin HILARIOUS!!

I loved your response to the bacon bits or crutons!!

1:48 AM  

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