Tuesday, July 11, 2006


The phone rings.

That's ok. I was expecting the call. STBEW and the kids' plane arrives at Las Vegas Airport at 11:59 Pacific Time, 3AM my time. I told Lt. Trouble to call me when they arrived, just so I would know they're safe.

That's not the call I got.

"The plane's not here," was the first thing out of my eldest son's mouth.


"There's no information about the flight at all." His voice is precise, well-modulated. I recognize it immediately. It's his business voice. He's about to spring into action. Any second now, he's going to pull out his badge and start commandeering search-and-rescue flights. "Are you sure of the flight number?" he asks me.

At 3AM, I'm not sure of anything. So I tell him I'll get the information (it's in the office), and I'll call him from there.

There's got to be some misunderstanding, I tell myself as I flip on lights and dodge cats* on the way from my bedroom to the office. I find the itinerary, and call him back. I confirm the flight numbers and times, and he's adamant that there's no flight listed. By this time, my computer's booted, and I check the flight information online. It shows that the flight is landing. Still, the El-Tee says there's no such flight.

Turns out, my eldest son, battle-tested leader of men, can't tell the difference between the United Air Lines flights and the USAir flights.

I consider getting on a flight of my own, just so I could go out there and dopeslap him.

And, since I miss him, here's a bit from my 10-year-old son's standup routine:**

Does it bother anyone else that everytime you see a broomstick in the Harry Potter movies, it's always the fastest one ever? (adopting a British dialect): 'It's a Nimbus Three thousand--fastest ever built!' 'It's a Fireball--fastest ever built!' 'It's a stick with some straw on one end--fastest ever built!'
I'm guessing your shtick was weaker than that in fourth grade.


*Whenever I come out of my bedroom, they automatically think it's time to eat. Even if I just fed them.

**Yes, he has a solid five minutes. But what he really wants to do is direct.


Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

nice to have you back.

7:37 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Out cats are the same way. They're harder to dodge when you can't see your feet.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Lt. Trouble owes you a beer for that one! Duh!! I bet your little comedian could make a funny shtick about that one. *chuckle*

Summer is a tough time to blog. How did the jury duty go?

12:18 PM  
Blogger mal said...

I am with Notso on that...more like a case since it was zero dark hundred when he called

11:30 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

so everyone is there despite a son in need of dopeslapping?

12:12 PM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Everyone but #2 son, and I rarely see him, so pretty much yeah.


12:21 PM  
Blogger indygirl said...

Ha! Silly.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Rowena said...

the big son may need a dopeslapping, but the little 'un is a genius

11:50 PM  

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