Name that Rassler!

My nephew Ronald is pursuing his dream. He wants to be a rassler.

He says wrestler. But we know better.

This is not singlets-and-
earpieces Dan Gable-style Olympic wrestling. This is Hulk Hogan
/Goldberg/Marc Henry style rasslin'.

Which pays better. Eventually. For some.

He's joined a local circuit, is working out, plus he's going to Rasslin' school, where he gets the snot knocked out of him on a regular basis.* But he keeps going back.

And he's getting big. He's put about ten pounds of muscle on. He's 6'1", and about 190 right now.

In two weeks, he'll get his debut. It's not going to be a one-on-one match, though. That's for more experienced wrestle--er rasslers.

No, he'll be taking part in a Royal Rumble. Well, the local version of it, at least.

He'll be one of thirty guys going into a ring. And he'll be one of twenty-nine guys who get thrown out of it. The only question is how soon. They'll tell him that in a week or so. I'm guessing it will be in the first five. Hell, he's only 18.

But he still gets to be introduced. So he gets to have a name.

A rasslin' name.

And he gets to wear a costume. If he gets someone to make one for him.

However, creativity's not his strong suit, so he's asked me for help. He's looking for something that will stand out.

Here's some of my suggestions:

• Since his name's Ronald, I thought we could go with Captain Ron. Pros: Easy costume--knee breeches, a vest and an eyepatch is really all he needs. Perhaps a cutlass. Cons: Possible trademark infringement.
• Going with the name thing, I thought about putting him in deep red tights and a cape, giving him a perm and having him grow a porn moustache and calling him Burgundy Ron. Pros: memorable play on words, easy costume. Cons: still a chance of copyright infringement, and towheaded 18-year-olds really aren't the best facial hair growers.
• And my favorite: The Golden Nipple (Once he gets excited, it's hard to get him down)

Those are mine. Got any suggestions? I'd love to hear them.

Cuz right now The Golden Nipple's sort of the winner by default.

Here's his stats:
Name: Ronald (not necessary to be included, but helpful to know)
Age: 18
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: 190-ish
Hair: light blonde, relatively short
Eyes: blue
Skin: fair

And just so you know: I'm sort of goofing around here, but it's what he wants to do. He's pursing his dream, and I'm proud of him for it.

Yeharr



*By this I don't mean they're hitting him--they're working him hard--strength, flexibility, and gymnastics. Plus a few piledrivers as well.