Sunday, October 22, 2006

I'm Not Here, Man

Ever hear the one about the two statisticians who went duck hunting? No? Well, you're not going to get it here, either.

Partially because it's an awful joke, amusing only to those who understand the Monty Hall Problem.

I only bring it up, because I've just found out that, statistically, I don't exist. At least, not in the United States.

I found this out when I visited this site, which I discovered from my blogging buddy Colleen, who got it from one of her web-based acquaintences, who is, unbeknownst to her, separated by only two degrees by a blogging spectre. Me.

Apparently, there are 1.1 million people with my first name in these United States, putting my name in the top thirty.

However, there's no one in the U.S. with my last name, so the website concludes that there are 0 people in the U.S. who are me.

My only consolation in this whole thing is that I also searched my brother's name, and discovered that here are less than 400 thousand folks in this country with his name, so he's even less real than I am.

And for those of you who are dying to hear the joke, I'll at least give you the punchline, and you can guess the rest of the joke:

"On the average, they each got a duck."

See? It really sucks.



Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

ooookay. I'm really bad with math. but...does your brother have the same last name as you? If so, wouldn't he show up as the one other person with your last name?

Twennybux, same as in town. There's a punchline for ya.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bummer you don't exist. Do you pay your taxes?

Using my maiden name there was only one of me. But it might have been someone else since I changed my name. I would like to think I'm one of a kind though.

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Daniel is 16th whilst no one has my surname but I knew that already...

12:49 PM  
Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

Heidi: You would think so, wouldn't you? And also my brother's wife, his three kids, my father, his brother, his brother's three kids, those three kids' seven kids....

A surfer, and eskimo, and The Pope walk into a bar...

Notso: I don't need no stinkin' survey to confirm that.

DHG: There are, however, quite a few Daniel Hoffmanns and slighltly less Daniel Gills. None of them can match the sweet-n-salty goodness of the original DHG.


2:01 PM  
Blogger Guy Wonders said...

Apparently, there is one person in the United States who shares my name. Guess who's gonna start getting blamed for my mistakes from now on. . . .

9:10 PM  
Blogger Blessed said...

i just had to stop by your blog. i have seen you post on other blogs and i am always so impressed with your comments!
very truthful, no nonsense, straight up.
Blessings! A fan.

11:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks man!

12:08 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

i knew someone who liked doing dishes didn't exist

11:26 PM  
Blogger elaine said...

I don't exist in America either.

P'raps that's just as well as then there'd be two of me.

11:06 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I lived across town from myself once. It was very inconvenient, especially when we went to the same health clinic.

6:03 PM  

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