Better Start Swimming or You'll Sink Like a Stone
I felt very energized this morning.
I had a chat with a dear friend, and I was open to the possibilities of not only a great day, but a great plan to move into the next part of my life.
That part's still good.
This evening, however, wasn't quite as good.
It started out with a note from STBEW telling me that my son isn't showing her any respect, and to call her.
Turns out she didn't want to talk about his behavior. Rather, she wanted to tell me she wants to get a two bedroom apartment so that 'one of the kids can live with her.'
Meaning, of course, my daughter.
I told her I wasn't comfortable with that idea.
She smokes a pack a day. She's gone through three boyfriends since geting out of rehab. And she only wants one of the kids. Which would mean that, although she would see both kids every day, (since she watches them after school and some evenings when I'm working) I would only see one of them every other weekend or something.
And I can't help but think the main reason she wants this is money. She will get more from the state if she's the custodial parent.
Yes, she loves them. Yes, they're her kids too. But she sees them every day already. Almost as much as I do. Maybe more.
Seven years ago, I was a married father of four. Today, for all intents and purposes, I'm a single father of two. I have, since their births, been the stable, constant presence in these two kids lives. I will not let her change that just so she can get more money.
yeharr
I had a chat with a dear friend, and I was open to the possibilities of not only a great day, but a great plan to move into the next part of my life.
That part's still good.
This evening, however, wasn't quite as good.
It started out with a note from STBEW telling me that my son isn't showing her any respect, and to call her.
Turns out she didn't want to talk about his behavior. Rather, she wanted to tell me she wants to get a two bedroom apartment so that 'one of the kids can live with her.'
Meaning, of course, my daughter.
I told her I wasn't comfortable with that idea.
She smokes a pack a day. She's gone through three boyfriends since geting out of rehab. And she only wants one of the kids. Which would mean that, although she would see both kids every day, (since she watches them after school and some evenings when I'm working) I would only see one of them every other weekend or something.
And I can't help but think the main reason she wants this is money. She will get more from the state if she's the custodial parent.
Yes, she loves them. Yes, they're her kids too. But she sees them every day already. Almost as much as I do. Maybe more.
Seven years ago, I was a married father of four. Today, for all intents and purposes, I'm a single father of two. I have, since their births, been the stable, constant presence in these two kids lives. I will not let her change that just so she can get more money.
yeharr
posted by Balloon Pirate at 10:47 PM
9 Comments:
what you've struggled with (and continue to struggler with) is far more challenging than any crap i've dealt with.
your kids are so lucky to have you.
i have a connection to what you are feeling
----
and then
the hassle, the pain, the effort, and the possible loss.
and if you "win" - you get status quo. and all that effort will have been for a holding action
how does that help build the new life?
it protects your child(ren), but is is not a "building" event. and it does nothing for you. except for more of that character stuff. and you've got plenty of that as it is.
shitty
[hoping]
amen to that!
I encourage you to hold strong with this. You know her. You're not slagging her here: you've stated that she loves them. But you know her well enough to suspect her motives.
I question the way she wants to split them up. That's awkward. The potential for "mom loves you more" is very frightening.
Hold your ground.
I hope it all works out.
I don't blame you a bit-- it doesn't sound like she has a very stable lifestyle, and wouldn't be able to provide the children (child) with the proper full-time support they would need. Fight to keep them with you! :0)
man, i cannot imagine having that harpie to deal with (yeah, that's kinda my word right now)
stick to your guns, papi. but you will, and i know you will. cause you are strong, and you don't give in to her crap anymore
big hugs
It's great that you are stable and provide a good safe environment for them. KEEP IT UP!
She sounds a bit rough around the edges just yet. Maybe in tome she can prove her "good intentions" for a period of time.
Good luck, and pat yourself on the back for your DADDY do good!
*nods in respect*
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