Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Better Start Swimming or You'll Sink Like a Stone

I felt very energized this morning.

I had a chat with a dear friend, and I was open to the possibilities of not only a great day, but a great plan to move into the next part of my life.

That part's still good.

This evening, however, wasn't quite as good.

It started out with a note from STBEW telling me that my son isn't showing her any respect, and to call her.

Turns out she didn't want to talk about his behavior. Rather, she wanted to tell me she wants to get a two bedroom apartment so that 'one of the kids can live with her.'

Meaning, of course, my daughter.

I told her I wasn't comfortable with that idea.

She smokes a pack a day. She's gone through three boyfriends since geting out of rehab. And she only wants one of the kids. Which would mean that, although she would see both kids every day, (since she watches them after school and some evenings when I'm working) I would only see one of them every other weekend or something.

And I can't help but think the main reason she wants this is money. She will get more from the state if she's the custodial parent.

Yes, she loves them. Yes, they're her kids too. But she sees them every day already. Almost as much as I do. Maybe more.

Seven years ago, I was a married father of four. Today, for all intents and purposes, I'm a single father of two. I have, since their births, been the stable, constant presence in these two kids lives. I will not let her change that just so she can get more money.



Blogger terry said...

what you've struggled with (and continue to struggler with) is far more challenging than any crap i've dealt with.

your kids are so lucky to have you.

12:17 AM  
Blogger cadbury_vw said...

i have a connection to what you are feeling


and then

the hassle, the pain, the effort, and the possible loss.

and if you "win" - you get status quo. and all that effort will have been for a holding action

how does that help build the new life?

it protects your child(ren), but is is not a "building" event. and it does nothing for you. except for more of that character stuff. and you've got plenty of that as it is.



1:18 AM  
Blogger Timmy said...

amen to that!

10:27 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

I encourage you to hold strong with this. You know her. You're not slagging her here: you've stated that she loves them. But you know her well enough to suspect her motives.

I question the way she wants to split them up. That's awkward. The potential for "mom loves you more" is very frightening.

Hold your ground.

10:28 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

I hope it all works out.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Miss 1999 said...

I don't blame you a bit-- it doesn't sound like she has a very stable lifestyle, and wouldn't be able to provide the children (child) with the proper full-time support they would need. Fight to keep them with you! :0)

5:26 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

man, i cannot imagine having that harpie to deal with (yeah, that's kinda my word right now)

stick to your guns, papi. but you will, and i know you will. cause you are strong, and you don't give in to her crap anymore

big hugs

6:37 PM  
Blogger Oral said...

It's great that you are stable and provide a good safe environment for them. KEEP IT UP!

She sounds a bit rough around the edges just yet. Maybe in tome she can prove her "good intentions" for a period of time.

Good luck, and pat yourself on the back for your DADDY do good!

7:47 PM  
Blogger mal said...

*nods in respect*

8:46 AM  

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