Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Do You Remember?

The sudden realization that something was wrong--very wrong.

Two cars, going different directions, trying to occupy the same space.

The swerve, the pedals, the instant prayer--

And it's over. You emerged unscathed.

Do you remember the time you almost got into an accident? Do you remember how you felt afterwards? Knowing how close you were to real, true, unavoidable tragedy--and yet you're OK?

That's how I feel right now.

After a very painful hour of mediation, STBEW agreed to my terms of divorce.

I get sole custody.

That's the important thing. I get sole custody. She gets every other weekend, we alternate on Thanksgiving, we split Christmas vacations (one gets the time up to Christmas night, the other gets the 26th through the 1st.)

And she gets winter and spring breaks, and a month in the summer.

That's what the agreement says. I think it's a bit more than she can handle. If it is, the kids will certainly let her know this.

I'm kind of counting on it.

It was a difficult meeting. She cried. She swore. She accused me of lying. She threatened. I was calm, and businesslike. It took a lot out of me to be that way, but it was the way I needed to behave.

I said in front of her much of the things I've written about in this blog for the past few years. So, in many ways, I have to thank you. You've been a great support for me, and a wonderful sounding board.

I may or may not write in more detail about the mediation. Right now, I'm just concentrating on breathing, and staying in the moment.

It's hard to believe that by this time tomorrow, I might actually be able to drop the 'STB' from STBEW.



Blogger terry said...

wow. i'm so glad it went as well as it did, though clearly, none of this is a pleasant experience.

good for you for holding firm and keeping your cool.


11:59 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I hope you got that in writing because I have a feeling you're going to wake up tomorrow and wonder if it was all a dream.

My mom once told me to out-nice people. Not to be stepped on, but to always maintain your cool. I think you totally out-niced your STBEW. Or should we say, VSTBEW.

12:31 AM  
Blogger Dear Lovey Heart said...

congratulations, i am happy for you.

3:21 AM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Excellent. Congrats!

8:18 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...


In an odd way I feel like saying "You have my condolences" because this is a great loss...but it's a huge relief.

This is what you had to do.

Now you're back on track.

1:38 PM  

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