Wednesday, September 05, 2007


There was a message waiting from me when I got back from the Adirondacks. It was from STBEW. I expected to hear her asking me when she could see the kids on Monday. That's not what I heard. I heard a message telling me I was rude for not letting the kids go to my nephew's birthday party on Friday.

I was rude.

Here's what I didn't say to her in response: "I'm sorry, but I didn't get an invitation to the party until Thursday. If you want to get technical about it, I didn't really get an invitation; rather, one of the kids told me one of your sisters (not the one who's throwing the party) told them about the party earlier in the day. And when I heard there was a party, I called them to tell them I couldn't make it. Since they never pick up the phone at their house because it might be someone asking for money, I got their voice mail. And on that voice mail, I left a message expressing regrets that we couldn't come, and an explanation of why we aren't coming, even though we really weren't invited in the first place, and what passes in your family for an invitation came one day before an event that they've known about for twenty years. I'm sorry if you think this course of action is rude."

I didn't tell her that. Instead, I called and left a message asking her what time she planned on getting the kids on Monday.

Monday morning she calls from her boyfriends house, and she says she'll come to get them "around 10:30." I plan my day accordingly, making a lunch date with my friend Mike at noon.

She had called early last week and asked if she could spend a day with them over the long weekend. I explained to her what was happening (which she conveniently forgot about when she called to tell me I was rude), and said that the Monday would be the best day. She said she was going to take the kids to the local amusement/water park. I thought that was a good idea. She then asked me to get tickets for her for the park. Since my office does a lot of trade with the park, we had passes, so it wasn't a big deal, and I got them. She then asked if I could get an extra ticket for one of their friends. So I did. The 'friend' turned out to be the son of her newest boyfriend--a kid they had met exactly one time. She also asked for another ticket for the friend's father. I said no.

At 11:30, she calls me and tells me they're 'about ready to come over.' She doesn't get to the house until noon. She tells me to be ready to pick up the kids at 9 that night. At 9:30, she tells me they're just about ready to have dinner. I don't get them home until 11.

I didn't tell her that picking up and dropping off the kids ninety minutes to two hours late was unacceptable.

At least not yet.

I think I will bring this things up on Thursday, though. That's when we have our mediation hearing. I think what I'm going to do is print out a bunch of my posts--like the one about when she stole from me, and the one where she enlisted my son's help in hiding another theft, among others--and take them with me.

I'm sure she'll bring up some stuff from my past, too. Although the stuff she'll bring up happened during the Clinton Administration. And I'm sure she'll accuse me of trying to hurt her. I'm not trying to hurt her. She may get hurt in the process, yes. But it's not what I'm trying to do.

I'll print the stuff out, and bring it, but I don't know if I'll use it, or even need to. My friend Mike, you may remember, went through all of this 20 years ago. His attitude is that she will make my case for me far better than I ever could.

Ill make sure you hear about the outcome.



Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Good luck!

4:33 AM  
Blogger Nölff said...

I think the lack of a y chromosome makes women bring up things from 10 years ago as if they happened last week.

10:59 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nolff there's no reason to woman bash okay?

pirate i have no useful advice but i will tell you that my ex husband was his own worst enemy in terms of his kids so your friend may have a point.

if you have a lawyer ask them of course but otherwise i think hold the posts in reserve and maybe edit them for less emotion and more point by pointness

err english but you get the gist

12:53 PM  
Blogger GC said...

re she will make my case for me far better than I ever could

that would be just perfect
I hope your friend is right.

3:34 PM  

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