Monday, October 01, 2007

Well Done

On Friday night, the Pastor's kids came over to play. They're just about the same age as mine, and they wanted to play and watch cartoons (one of the perks of working for an entertainment conglomerate is that I have a lot of television channels available to me at a very low price), and have dinner.

What's for dinner? Hamburgers! Yaaaay!

Everyone loves hamburgers. Except my daughter, who patiently explains to me every time that she doesn't like hamburgers--she likes cheeseburgers.

And my son? He likes Fredburgers.

What's a Fredburger, you ask? Well, it's a hamburger. With muenster cheese. And lettuce, tomato, and onion. And bread-and-butter pickles. And ketchup. And mustard. And ranch dressing. And Worcestershire sauce.

And napkins. Lots of napkins.

Well, when the other kids see the Fredburger, they have to have one too. Pretty soon everyone's a big sloppy mess (except my daughter, who doesn't like Fredburgers--just plain old cheeseburgers with American cheese and ketchup), so I hose them off (it's a warm enough evening that a blast from the garden hose is still a treat)--including my daughter, who doesn't really need it, but how can I say no?--towell them off, and the bunch sit on the living room floor, munching popcorn and watching a show called Avatar.

A nice night.

Saturday afternoon, I read this. Turns out there's a chance I fed my kids--and the Pastor's kids--poison on Friday night.

Admittedly, it's a small chance--I make sure I cook my food well, and it's only been a very few cases nationwide--but spending the weekend watching for explosive diarrhea kinda puts a cramp on the amount of fun you can have.

Pun intended.

Plus the phone call to the Pastor's wife was a bit embarrassing. She was understanding about it and all, but it's not something I looked forward to making.

And I think again about all the recalls we've seen in the past few years--years? Hell, try months--meat, lettuce, spinach, toys--and then I think about a government run by people who think that government is too big and meddling. About EPA heads who want to limit the scope of their watchdog activities. About the Bureau of Mines administrators who don't follow through when safety issues are ignored by mine owners. About Interior ministers who want to open up more wilderness for exploitation.

And about how this was all sold as a way for us to get more goods and services cheaper.

And I think about how it's almost like knowingly eating tainted hamburgers, because they taste so good. But shortly afterwards, you're going to have to pay for it.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

yeharr

7 Comments:

Blogger terry said...

may i have a fredburger sans tomatoes?

and some immodium on the side?

8:17 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I think the ABC News link is defunct.

2:14 AM  
Blogger GC said...

hey is everyone okay?

12:23 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

yum, fredburgers

i don't know what's up with food lately...i mean, first spinach, then lettuce, then my hotdog chili and now beef? what's next?

8:40 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

You pastored the Poison's kids? What?

Darn it, this makes me want to buy a calf and name it Hamburger and put it in my freezer at the end of the year. This makes me fear cooking more than I already do.

Excuse me I must go the the grocery store.

AAAUUUGGHHH!

1:10 PM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

I think all national news is defunct. Trust no one but Jon Stewart. (joking, of course). Mostly.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Nölff said...

I bet that would taste good with blue cheese.

4:29 PM  

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