Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Cruelest Month

Yeah, yeah, I know it's supposed to be April.

Not for me. For the forseeable future it will be July.

My child-free month.

It seemed like a good idea back in September: The ex gets the kids for a month in the summer. Now that the month is one week away, not so much.

Snap out of it, I tell myself. Remember last year? Remember how you ran yourself inside-out finding things for them to do for two solid frikkin' months? Remember how relieved you felt when you realized you wouldn't need to figure anything out for them for a month?

I remember.

But still.

Thing is: I've got plans. I'll be busy. I know that I've only got these kids for a tiny slice of time, so I need to be able to find things to do without them. And I have. I've got at least eight freelance gigs--possibly more; I'm going to ride my bike a lot, I've got a bunch of meetings that I want to attend, and I already have two dates scheduled.

With the same woman.

A woman I've known for several years.

A woman I like.

A lot.

No,what's bothering me the most is: I don't think my kids will have a good time. Their mother has no job, no car, and no money. Yet, she's promised them trips to Chuck E. Cheese's, to the local water/amusement park, and to a Rennaisance Festival that's a three-hour drive east of here. And she's already asked me, in front of the kids, if I wanted to take the kids and her to a state park 45 miles south of here.

Of course the kids want to do this. And I would love to take them. But not her. Plus, I've got every weekend pretty much booked.

I know I'm overworried. I know that, even if they have a lousy time, it's just one stinking month.

But I'm telling you--it's gonna be a cruel one.



Blogger cadbury_vw said...

i am afraid that i anticipate the pain for you and your children...


i hope that during that time you are able to find freedom for yourself, and are able to achieve some of the things you need to do for you


i hope those dates go well

2:23 AM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

The use of spacing and 'A lot' worked well, if I was her I'd be flattered.

5:23 AM  
Blogger Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

When my kid leaves for the weekend with his dad I get all freaked out with wondering what the hell I'm going to do to stay busy/ not spiral into a hole of missing my kid despair, I don't know what I'd do for a month.

3:14 PM  
Blogger terry said...

it's an odd mix of emotions, no?

but i'm smiling over the dates. enjoy those.

2:40 PM  

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