An Open Letter (IV)
Dear God:
What's with the ear hair?
What possible reason do You have for planting mini forests on my antihelix? There's so many things about growing old that are weird, and I'm cool with most of them--like the grey in the beard, the thin hair on top, the gravel-filled knees. I shrug and I move on. Actually, I don't shrug all that much anymore, due to my rotator cuff injury. You catch my drift. But ear hair? It's itchy, it's ugly, and it's a bitch to trim, plus I have a sneaking suspicion those follicles are the primary reason my ear buds keep popping out when I listen to my ipod. Couldja do something about this, please?
An another subject: it really bugs me when I'm thirsty and have to go pee at the same time. It seems pretty darned inefficient. Especially when most places put the water fountains right next to the rest rooms, making me stop and wonder which should I do first--get a drink, or get rid of one? The whole thing just doesn't make much sense, if you ask me.
And maybe this one has nothing to do with You, but as long as you're reading this--why is it that whenever I come out of a store, my car keys are always in the pocket that corresponds with the hand that has the most stuff in it?
Yeah, I know--this is all petty stuff. But sometimes I just gotta vent, You know?
Okay that's all I got. Thanks for listening.
yeharr
ps: I'm serious about the ear hair.
What's with the ear hair?
What possible reason do You have for planting mini forests on my antihelix? There's so many things about growing old that are weird, and I'm cool with most of them--like the grey in the beard, the thin hair on top, the gravel-filled knees. I shrug and I move on. Actually, I don't shrug all that much anymore, due to my rotator cuff injury. You catch my drift. But ear hair? It's itchy, it's ugly, and it's a bitch to trim, plus I have a sneaking suspicion those follicles are the primary reason my ear buds keep popping out when I listen to my ipod. Couldja do something about this, please?
An another subject: it really bugs me when I'm thirsty and have to go pee at the same time. It seems pretty darned inefficient. Especially when most places put the water fountains right next to the rest rooms, making me stop and wonder which should I do first--get a drink, or get rid of one? The whole thing just doesn't make much sense, if you ask me.
And maybe this one has nothing to do with You, but as long as you're reading this--why is it that whenever I come out of a store, my car keys are always in the pocket that corresponds with the hand that has the most stuff in it?
Yeah, I know--this is all petty stuff. But sometimes I just gotta vent, You know?
Okay that's all I got. Thanks for listening.
yeharr
ps: I'm serious about the ear hair.
Labels: Open Letter
posted by Balloon Pirate at 10:21 PM
7 Comments:
On a similar note I'd like to know why there are now five little black whiskers sprouting from my delicate feminine little chin. It is not fair. Not fair, not fair, not fair.
I wonder if/ when we'll get our answers...
(Now you all know why I've got my hand over my face!)
the former Mrs_C was under instructions to terminate ear hair with extreme prejudice, on sight
as are both of the C children
as is now girlfriend Smitten. i said to her "We were both married for a lot of years and understand the day to day reality of being human. I think we have progressed to the point in our relationship where I can now instruct you, demand of you, rather than politely ask, that you pull any ear hair you see as soon as you see it."
"...if you don't want to comply with this demand, please also feel free to look at my ear hair for the duration of it's visible tenure on my body"
Smitten has been pleased to assist
the OH plucks his ear hair. He used to have a lot more but the plucking seems to have permanently thinned the brush so to speak
Think how women feel when they find out they have mustaches that are suitable for Handlebars? eeeyyyuuuuuu (not me of course! HA)
You know, those are some completely valid questions-- I just say, Heidi brought up one I was gonna ask, too! :0)
Earhair plucking sounds terribly painful. I think it builds character.
i don't even want to talk about the odd places i have hair popping up.
like heidi, though, my chin is one of them!
being thirsty while having to pee is the WORST.
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