Tuesday, February 13, 2007


I got a call from my ex. I was glad. I had left a message for her to call me today.

I was surprised when she called me, though, because I really didn't think I would hear from her. Because she stole from me. She took some checks from a register, forged my signature, and cleared out my bank account.

I mentioned in an earlier post, she's been getting the kids off the bus at my house since she lost her apartment. And, as I mentioned in the next post, she had broken her abstinence from alcohol.

Apparently, she also decided to use some other drugs, too. Or not. Maybe she spent the money on Stiffel lamps. I don't care. All I know is I have a bunch of bills to pay, and twenty-five dollars in my pocket.

But that doesn't matter. Okay, it does matter, and I have some work to do. But it's not the important thing.

The important thing is protecting myself and my kids. The important thing is getting some distance between her and me.

A lot of people are telling me I should press charges. I'm not sure how many crimes she's committed, but among them are forgery, larceny, and fraud. I don't know if I'm going to press charges. I'll certainly look into it as an option, but it's not like I'll see the money back any time soon. She told me that the guy she's living with will pay me back eventually. I don't even know if I want that.

The phone call was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in a long time. She admitted that she took the checks and cashed them. She told me that the four she cashed were all she had. She was in agony. That it was a hell of her own creation made this no less difficult.

I made a conscious effort to remain neutral while I talked to her. I didn't offer sympathy, nor did I scream and yell. The truth of the matter is that I'm not angry with her. I'm incredibly sad. But I did not let that sadness color my judgement in this.

I told her I needed to get my key back for the apartment. I told her that I might go to a lawyer and see about getting full custody of the kids--the divorce is still in the proceedings stage, so there will probably be some flexibility.

"Please don't take my kids," she sobbed.

I could have said something very cutting and nasty here. Once upon a time, I would have. It didn't even occur to me tonight. I told her she had much more important things to think about than the kids right now.

And, I told her that she will always be their mother--I can never take that away.

I guess that this is a sign of my own recovery, then--that I can deal with this sort of stuff with sadness rather than anger or fear.

As I type this, I'm also watching the news. They're predicting a foot or more of snow by morning, and a storm that will continue through the evening tomorrow. I'm waiting to see if they close the schools tomorrow. So far, it's still open. Even if it's closed, I think I'm not going to go to work tomorrow. I have too much stuff to do.

And as I watch the news, and see the snow gathering outside, I can take comfort, because I'm not longer looking for protection from the storm. The storm will come, as storms do. What I have is protection in the storm.



Blogger Madame X said...

I wouldn't press charges.
The damge is done.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

Oh dear. I'm so sorry.

Do what you feel you must. I'm glad that you aren't rescuing her. It hurts that she's making such huge mistakes but you know you can't fix her and I'm proud of you for staying cool despite everything going through your head and heart.

My kids are home today too and my husband's in the city. I slept two hours last night.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Definately go for the full custody so you can control her time with them. If she is doing well, then she may see them. It would be a bad situation for her to have them when she has fallen off the wagon.

I applaud your patience with her. My first reaction was hell yes, press charges! But you know what you need to do. Can it be documented for the child custody at least?

12:34 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

call your bank and tell them that the checks were stolen. they may require a police report, they may not. you can say that they were stolen and not say who did it. then you get the police report and your money back from your bank.

1:34 PM  
Blogger terry said...

oh, lord. what a nightmare.

i feel for you, pirate.

3:59 PM  
Blogger AlwaysArousedGirl said...

What a nightmare.

Good for you for staying neutral. Sometimes I think that my own personal drama queens want that big reaction from me (either yelling or sympathizing) when they screw up. It's part of their drama cycle, you know? Depriving them of your reaction seems to get their attention.


4:09 PM  
Blogger cadbury_vw said...

i am so sorry

you are going to need to try to recover the money

i'm assuming you can't afford to lose that much. if the signature is not yours, then the bank will be responsible for having cleared the cheques

has she had any real consequences for her actions to date?

my boss has had substantive exposure to AA. he says that when an alcoholic is lying in their own vomit to leave them there. that if you clean them up you are an enabler.

that addicts and alcoholics have to be allowed to hit rock bottom before they get their act together.

perhaps losing custody of her children and spending some time in jail will arrest her downward slide. perhaps it is the consequence that will shake her up.

if she is prepared to steal - but more importantly, steal all your money - leave you without the neccessary resources to support your children... what is her next downward tumble going to bring?

you must protect yourself, and you must protect your children.

5:36 PM  

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