Sunday, March 04, 2007

The Other Shoe

I've got a lawyer, and I'm going to sue for full custody.

It won't really change anything from what's going on right now.

I keep getting messages from Dave, the current/ex boyfriend she stayed with at the beginning of February. Right after she got drunk for the first time in 20 months. Right before she started smoking crack again after two and a half year.

I'm not sure, but I think she's stopped drinking. Because it ate into the time and money she spends on crack.

Dave and his friends bought $40 worth of candy from my daughter for a fundraising drive. He's been calling about getting the candy. He thinks I'm withholding it from him. Like I give a shit about that.

Despite my frequent promises to deliver the candy to him when she gets it, he still calls. Turns out he's more interested in giving me updates on what STBEW is doing.

Like I give a shit about that.

Actually, I do care. Partially because it gives me an idea of her whereabouts. So far, she has not come to our house. I don't know how much longer that will last. She's desperate. She's sold her television, and everything else she could get her hands on for crack. Including the guitar we got her for Christmas.

I've also gotten tidbits from her sisters and the older kids. Apparently, she's hit them up for money, too. Some she's told that she needs it for food (Dave told me she took all her foodstamp money and cashed it in for crack), others she's told that her dealer is holding her hostage and won't let her go unless she gives him money.

She also calls the kids. She usually waits until she thinks I'm out of the house. I've told them not to answer the phone when I'm not here. So far they haven't. I don't think they like the calls.

She hasn't approached me about anything since early last week, when I got two calls: the first was to ask if she could do her laundry here. The second was to ask if she could move in. No on both counts.


I do care. This is a woman I loved, that I lived with for nearly twenty years. It hurts to watch her destroy herself.

Dave called last night, telling me of the latest things she's done. He pleaded with me to help her. Sorry. It's not that I don't want to help her. I can't help her. There's absolutely nothing I can do. The only thing that will help her is for her to get so sick and desperate that she will have two choices: recovery or death.

Like I said at the top of this post: I have a lawyer on retainer. I have a sad feeling that most of that retainer fee will be returned.

I have a sad feeling that I will be a widower before I get divorced.



Blogger Guy Wonders said...

Undoubtedly, you're doing the right thing. Sadly, the right thing sounds like it's also the hardest thing to do.

I think you're doing the best you can for everyone involved. One can only hope that the other shoe will drop as softly as possible. . . .

10:05 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

you are on the right track, and she isn't. you are right, there's nothing you can do but protect yourself and protect your kids. this is a horrible situation that you are in the process of fixing. don't let it get the better of you. remember what i said...focus on the good stuff. be positive.

10:31 AM  
Blogger cadbury_vw said...

i am so sorry

watching the downward spiral to destruction

the pain must be immense

the fear of what desperation might drive her to do. knowing that she will rove to the places she knows.

knowing that your only choice is to hold tight and stay protected. protect your children. and watch her death whether in the flesh or just the last of her spirit.

i am so sorry for your pain

12:14 PM  
Blogger AlwaysArousedGirl said...

Sigh, I'm sorry. Hoping that she'll come to her senses before she's too far gone.

1:24 PM  
Blogger terry said...

oh, god. you're right -- you can't help her... but that doesn't make it any easier on you.

i'm so sorry.


2:15 PM  
Blogger Miss 1999 said...

I'm so sorry to hear all of this is still going on. You're doing the right thing, and best that you can, considering everything that has happened. I just pray that this woman will realize that her addiction is affecting not only her, but those who love her. Please, keep us updated on you and the kids. *hugs*

6:36 PM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Wow, it's so sad. You are doing the right thing by staying out of it. You've done so many wonderful things for her and she blew it. Stay focused on the kids and stay positive.

Hang in there...

11:12 AM  
Blogger Timmy said...

tough love, it works! best wishes Pirate!

11:22 AM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

I just don't know what to say.

We're all thinking of you. Prayers.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Åsa said...

Oh Pirate! I’m so sad for you! How painful even though you do know you ARE doing the right thing. And you know that she is no longer the woman you love(d) and married. It’s not making it any easier – I know. You are a good man. You are in my thoughts.

6:28 AM  
Blogger ell said...

i can't imagine the pain you and your children must be going through. i wish you all the strength and courage you need to get through this unbearable time.

hang in there.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I can't fathom a court system that wouldn't grant you full custody immediately. Unfortunately, the lawyer is probably necessary.

Be strong.

1:42 AM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Jeez, that's some crummy shit, make sure she don't try and rob you to feed the beast, their is little time for mercy.

She is no longer who she was, that person is dead to you.

7:33 AM  

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