Sunday, February 18, 2007


Monday is midpoint between my two youngest kids' birthdays. My daughter turned nine on Saturday, My youngest son turns eleven on Wednesday. (Also, Lt. Trouble turns 26 on the 26th,* and as you may recall, STBEW's birthday was the first. Cousins had birthdays on the 5th, 9th and 11th of February, too.)

Luckily, I had already bought the kids their birthday presents before STBEW cleaned out my account.

I'm keeping all the birthday celebrations kind of low-key this year. For one thing, I've got a bunch of freelance jobs this week, including the evenings of both of their birthdays, so I'm not going to be around as much as I would like.

And I'm not very much in a celebratory mood.

But still, it is birthday week, and it is also winter break from school, so I'm doing what I can. So, on Monday, Puddle will stop by and we'll have barbecue chicken pizza, chocolate and vanilla cake, and afterwards, we'll head over to the Cinema, where Happy Feet is playing. And sometime this week, the cousins will stop by and we'll all go sledding and have hot chocolate and leftover cake afterwards.

Noticeably missing from all this will be the children's mother. She called on Saturday and spoke briefly with my daughter. She called just before we were to leave to go to their raquetball practice. STBEW knew what time that was, so the phone call time was not coincidental. According to my daughter, STBEW said she hoped I would let them see her soon.


If she calls on Wednesday, I'll see if I can explain to her that I'm not forbidding her from seeing the kids. If she wants to see them, we'll set up a time and place for her to see them, and I'll hang out a discrete distance away to allow them some privacy. And if she complains about this, I'll remind her again about how little I trust her right now, and the very good reasons why I don't.

I've gotten various reports about STBEW. The current ex-boyfriend she's living with left me a message saying she's going into rehab. Lt. Trouble--who was going to jump into the middle of this and try to 'rescue' me before I told him it was none of his business and that I didn't need rescuing--told me she's serious about getting a job.

I could care less. Really. I want to care less.

Right now, I think about her constantly. About how she stole from me. About how screwed up her life is. About whether or not she'll try to steal from me again. Or if she'll try and get the kids. And I don't want to do that anymore. I'm doing the right things. I know I am. And I'm aware that I'm angry with her, but I'm not letting my anger cloud my judgement. But right now, she's in my head, and so far I haven't been able to get her out of it.

I don't want anything bad to happen to her. Let me rephrase: I don't want any more bad things to happen to her, self-inflicted or not.

I don't wish her ill. I also don't wish her here.


*In case you're wondering, Puddle's birthday is November 11th. We still trying to figure that out, too.


Blogger terry said...

gah. it's just not right that you're stuck grappling with all of this. not fair to your kids, either.


2:20 AM  
Blogger AlwaysArousedGirl said...

All the cool people were born in February.

I was too!

Hang in there.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Notsocranky Yankee said...

Don't let STBEW drag the kids into this. She needs to get her act together before she can spend time with them alone.

Get divorced! Get full custody!

Have fun with the low-key birthday celebrations. Sounds like a great time!

1:17 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

notsocranky is right. get divorced, get full custody. you ARE doing everything right, and look at the excellent example that you are setting for your kids. they know you take care of them, and they know you will protect them no matter what. the rest will fall into place and karma is a sure thing.

3:55 PM  
Blogger Heidi the Hick said...

Low key birthdays are a good thing. You all need some calm in your lives right now.

Please know that you are doing the right things.

10:53 PM  

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